By Sister Rosaline O’Connor, R.S.M.
Sister Rosaline O’Connor, member of The Sisters of Mercy (RSM), concluded her ministry as our Diocesan Victim Assistance Ministry Coordinator on July 31. We offer thanks to Our Lord Jesus for the dedicated ministry which Sister Rosaline has offered in the important ministry of Victim Assistance since its inception in 2002; she has offered a compassionate presence to many survivors of clergy sexual abuse for the last 22 years here in our Diocese. Sr. Rosaline will be returning to her homeland, Ireland. She will join the Sisters of Mercy there and plans to get involved in some Mercy ministry. Read below her personal reflection about her journey and time spent serving the Diocese of San Bernardino.
Arriving in California from Ireland brought a whole new life awareness for me. Our customs, our practices and even our language were different, despite the fact that in Ireland we also spoke English. Thinking back, the size of the country and the population took time to become accustomed to, and I was continually delighted by the constant sunshine.
My early years in California were spent teaching, attending summer school and learning about how the different systems work in this country. My intention in joining the Sisters of Mercy was that I would go to work in Kenya, that was my heart’s desire. When I arrived here it was exciting and interesting, and I was joining a big group of young Sisters who were totally committed to being a compassionate and caring Mercy presence. Ten years later another surprise came my way, I was invited to go to work in Kenya. I was delighted to get the opportunity and spent six years there. A new language, different customs, being with people and not being able to communicate with them because I didn’t know their language were all challenging and I learned a lot.
On return to the US, I trained as a Marriage Family Therapist. I also worked for many years in the Diocesan Mission Office. They were challenging and exciting years and I can see how each step of my life prepared me for the next. Coming from Ireland to California was a big change, going to Kenya was another big step and what I learned along the way prepared me for the work in the Mission Office. Having experienced the poverty in Kenya and the opportunity to visit other missionary countries inspired me to share the stories of people living in poverty with children in schools and with parish communities.
Moving to work as the Victim Assistance Co-ordinator in 2002 was a challenge for me initially. Talk of clergy sexual abuse was increasing at that time. At first this was such a shock, a disappointment and it created a great challenge for all involved, be that as victims or as people involved in leadership roles in the Church. I was invited to a meeting with Bishop Gerald Barnes and Monsignor Gerard Lopez, and we spoke at length about the pain, the suffering and what could be done at different levels to support and bring healing to those who had suffered abuse. We spoke about the pastoral needs of the victims and the possibility that some of them would need specific support such as counselling or psychotherapy. At that time I thought that I was working with Bishop Barnes and Monsignor Lopez helping them to draw up a job description for the person who might take on this role. Then the question was raised as to whether I would consider taking on the role. I wondered about it initially and took time to reflect. It was then that I thought about Catherine McAuley, the foundress of the Sisters of Mercy, and how she responded to people who were in pain and very vulnerable, and so I said yes.
Working with people who are so hurt, so abused is not an easy task. When people’s trust has been broken in such an abusive way, they lose faith in everyone, and they especially lose faith in themselves. Trusting anyone is extremely hard for them, finding a foothold to start the journey towards healing is very difficult and yet that is what needs to happen for each person who has been abused. This is a long and slow process, complicated by the feelings the person has about their abuser. People struggle between rage towards the abuser, rage towards themselves, maybe rage toward whoever they feel allowed this to happen. Sometimes they feel hopeless and helpless and useless, and depression can take people to very dark places and lead them to thinking about self-harming.
When someone makes a complaint, they are in a very vulnerable place, a very fragile place and yet they manage to find the strength to say what has happened to them. Unfortunately, this is just the very first step of their journey and it is a difficult step. The person comes in to meet people they have not known before, and they tell their story. I always found meeting a person for the first time to be a very challenging step for myself. I know the pain and suffering they have had, I know the courage it has taken for them to make this step, I am very conscious of trying to hear not just the words they say but the messages their bodies are giving and above all the specific pain that has been visited on them. Those initial meetings make such a difference for the person and so I am working to be sure I understand clearly, to have real empathy for the person and not to get into a judgemental place.
In my years as Victim Assistance Co-ordinator, I have been moved to tears by the stories I have heard and been so grateful that each person had the courage to come and tell their story. I have also worked as part of a team in this ministry, and I am deeply grateful for the support, the understanding and the encouragement I have received. To anyone moving into this work I would say:
“Your presence is the greatest gift you can give to another human being.” -Marshall Rosenberg