By: Joe Bedard
In a profound and moving gathering, priests from across the Diocese of San Bernardino came together for a dedicated Study Day, seeking deeper understanding and insight into the challenges faced by couples struggling with infertility.
The discussion began with a stark reality: for many couples, the expectation of having children is deeply ingrained in their understanding of marriage. Yet when conception does not come easily, they are met with a silent suffering, often misunderstood by those around them. Fr. Pacholczyk described infertility as a ‘hidden grief,’ likening it to mourning a child who was never conceived.
Throughout the day, priests listened intently as Fr. Pacholczyk explored the emotional, spiritual, and ethical dimensions of infertility. The pain of childlessness can create isolation, he noted, particularly for women who often feel the burden most acutely. Meanwhile, their husbands grapple with feelings of helplessness, unsure how to console their grieving spouse.
One of the most striking aspects of the discussion centered on the ethical concerns surrounding assisted reproductive technologies (ART). While science has made remarkable advancements in fertility treatments, not all methods align with the Church’s teachings. Fr.Pacholczyk explained that while the Church deeply empathizes with couples seeking medical help, it also upholds the sanctity of life and marriage. Procedures like in vitro fertilization (IVF) bypass the natural marital act, creating moral dilemmas that many faithful may not fully understand.
Yet hope was not absent from the conversation. Ethical medical alternatives do exist—methods that assist rather than replace the natural process of conception. From NaProTECHNOLOGY to hormone treatments and fertility tracking, these approaches align with Catholic teaching and offer a path forward for couples yearning for children.
Beyond medical solutions, the discussion turned to the Church’s role in supporting these couples emotionally and spiritually. The need for compassionate pastoral care was emphasized repeatedly. Many priests acknowledged that, while they strive to offer guidance, infertility remains an area where additional sensitivity and education are needed. Some suggested forming parish-based support groups, providing couples a place to share their experiences and find solace in faith.
Fr. Pacholczyk also challenged priests to widen the understanding of fruitfulness in marriage. Parenthood, he reminded them, is not limited to biological children. Adoption, foster care, and mentorship offer powerful ways for couples to express their parental love. Spiritual parenthood, as seen in priesthood and religious life, is another testament to the many ways in which love can be shared beyond traditional means.
The Benefit to the Diocesan Lay People
Study days like these play a crucial role in equipping priests with the knowledge and empathy needed to better serve their parishioners. By deepening their understanding of complex and often painful issues like infertility, priests are better prepared to offer compassionate guidance to couples in need. This education enables them to provide pastoral care that is both theologically sound and emotionally supportive.
Father Arinze Ezeoke stated, " It's important for our Priests to come together for a time of prayer and a time of learning. You know as Priests, we work in far distances and so days like these help us come together and to share with each other what is going on in our personal ministries and to learn from one another so we can better serve God's people."
Underscoring the dedication of clergy to continually improving their ability to minister to the faithful. When priests take the time to educate themselves, the entire diocesan community benefits. Couples struggling with infertility receive not only moral clarity but also the comfort of knowing their Church sees, understands, and walks with them in their journey.
Fr. Pacholczyk left the priests with a resonant message: "Our identity and worth are not defined by our ability to conceive, but by our faithfulness to God’s calling."
In the end, their role is not simply to teach, but to accompany, guiding couples toward trust in a plan greater than their own.
We invite you all to learn more on these topics by watching some videos from Fr. Pacholczyk's Youtube page @ https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=fr+tad+pacholczyk
Also comment your thoughts as we would love to hear what the people around our Diocese think about these challenges themselves.