By Mary Pearson
On November 2nd, the Church celebrated the Feast of All Souls. Many faithful marked the day by visiting cemeteries, setting up memorials for loved ones in their homes, or attending Mass to pray for the repose of the souls of the departed.
Because November is dedicated to the Holy Souls in Purgatory, the BYTE reached out to several parish bereavement ministry coordinators to learn about the work that parishes do to help those grieving the loss of a loved one.
Bereavement ministry coordinators are usually the main point of contact between grieving family members and the parish. Practically speaking, this ministry exists to help facilitate planning of everything that goes into funeral Masses and the Rite of Christian Burial. It is the job of the bereavement ministry to make this planning process as smooth as possible for people in their time of grief.
Evelyn Sobrino is the bereavement ministry coordinator at St. Matthew parish in Corona. She regularly meets with families to guide them through the funeral planning process. “We go over the details of what they are looking for in having a funeral Mass here…the readings, the songs, etc.” Sobrino said.
In addition to the funeral services at the parish, the bereavement ministry at St. Matthew sends letters to the families on anniversaries to let them know they are not alone. Each All Souls Day, the parish puts on a special reception after Mass, and every family who had a funeral at the parish during the year is invited to attend.
Sobrino said she was initially hesitant to take on the important work of bereavement ministry, and worried that she wouldn’t know what to say or how to help grieving families. “But this ministry has made me strong,” said Sobrino, “We are only here for a short time…and we all have a purpose in life.”
Beyond coordinating the funeral planning process, many parish bereavement ministries also offer regular grief support programs. Holy Spirit Parish in Hemet has an active grief support meeting each Wednesday afternoon under the direction of Betty Sievers. Sievers has a background in counseling and speech therapy, and has been leading the parish bereavement ministry for the past five years.
“When people come in, I try to get an idea of where they are at in the [grieving] process, and I try to find out what they really need,” Sievers said, adding that the most important thing she wants people to know is that grief is normal. “The first year is very much the hardest…it doesn’t necessarily go away, but it does get better,” she said.
Sievers draws on her personal experience with the grieving process, having lost her husband 11 years ago. At that time, she was unable to find any grief support programs in her area, especially for people working full-time jobs. Eventually, after taking classes on grief counseling at a local college, she approached the parish and offered to help with the bereavement ministry.
Like Sievers, Leeza Montoya came to be involved in her parish bereavement ministry because of her own journey with grief. In 2009, Montoya lost her husband, Frank Montoya, unexpectedly to a heart attack. At the time, her parish–St. Paul the Apostle in Chino Hills–also did not have a formal grief support program. Leeza attended for a few months a Christian “Grief Share” meeting at a local non-denominational church. “I found it very helpful, so I requested my friend, Laurie Kay, who was the St. Elizabeth Ministry leader at the time to help me present the proposal…to start a GriefShare program [at St. Paul the Apostle],” Montoya said.
Eventually, the group switched from the GriefShare program to a Catholic program called Seasons of Hope, which is a guided, journal-based program used by Catholic bereavement ministries around the country. “We invite the participants to share stories about their loved ones which help them understand that they are not alone,” said Montoya.
During the month of November, St. Paul the Apostle marks All Souls Day (Day of the Dead) by setting up an “Altar of Remembrance” in the vestibule of the church.
“We provide an opportunity for parishioners to write a prayer or the names of loved ones on paper leaves and leave them at the altar which stays for about a week and is set up in collaboration with the Hispanic Ministry, the Bereavement Ministry, and the Youth and Young Adults Ministry,” Motoya said.
In Riverside, St. Thomas the Apostle parish hosts a special Mass of Remembrance each All Souls Day. During that Mass, family members of those who died in the past year are invited to sit in reserved seats, and the names of their beloved deceased are read while the family members place flowers at the foot of the altar.
Valerie Doran is the coordinator of the parish bereavement ministry at St. Thomas. Her day-to-day work is primarily working with the families to coordinate the funeral and burial processes, and coordinating the different grief resources that the parish offers.
Doran told the BYTE that St. Thomas Parish has three options for people seeking grief support. Through the Stephen Ministry program, the parish is able to offer one-on-one grief counseling for anyone who is interested. They also offer a five-week grief workshop called, Healing After Loss. This workshop is offered during both morning and evening sessions twice a year. Finally, the parish offers monthly grief support meetings that are based on the Healing After Loss workshop.
When asked what she wanted to share with readers during this month dedicated to the souls in Purgatory, Doran’s advice was simple and straightforward: “Do not be afraid of death!” During this month dedicated to the Souls in Purgatory–as we pray for the souls of the dead and meditate on Christ who has conquered death for us– it is a good time for all of us to take that advice to heart.
In addition to the parishes mentioned above, the BYTE confirmed that the following parishes also offer bereavement ministry programs: St. Catherine of Alexandria in Riverside, St. Peter and St. Paul in Alta Loma, St. Mary Magdalene in Corona, St. Catherine’s in Temecula, The Holy Name of Jesus in Redlands, and Sacred Heart in Palm Desert. If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of a loved one, reach out to your local parish.
Mary Pearson is a freelance writer and parishioner of St. Martha, Murrieta.